Adolescent Affection

i wrote this song, trying to convince myself that it wasn't meant to be. not the it helped, but here it is. i call it Adolescent Affection.

Lying by my side, we stare
The world goes by, but we do not care
Is this okay? It feels so right
My heart beats faster, the feeling takes flight


Your eyes, so deep and profound
We thought we'd always be around

Cuz there's a twinkle in you eye
It takes my breath away __
But this love is just a lie
Even though it brought us to heaven

Our eyes are locked, it seems we'll never be apart
But do you really have the key to my heart?

Your eyes, so deep and profound
We thought we'd always be around

Cuz there's a twinkle in you eye
It takes my breath away
But this love is just a lie
Even though it brought us to heaven

Frivolous thoughts bring us nowhere, this was all a lie, so untrue
Frivolous thoughts bring us nowhere, because love comes from the heart and not from the mind
What we'd hoped for would now never come true
But don't worry bout me, I'd be just fine
I'd be just fine, just fine.





the hardest part of holding on is letting go. but now comes the getting over...

Glower a Flower

well, VBC is over. i know i haven't posted much. but its not like anybody really comes here. oh wells... VBC was actually much better than i expected. i hadn't expected to grow an attachment with the kids since i was extremely busy with the skit and praise&worship. but turned out in another way i hadn't forseen. grew to really love the kids, hopefully they felt the same way in the end too. really cute kids, and i couldn't have asked for a better group. but alas, its over and im probably never gonna see a lot of them, especially DanielChoi.
but this post isn't meant for VBC and its happenings. but more of the things i've thought up by accident during my tuitions. i've remembered some stuff that i really don't want to. the wonderful memories just flooded back and there was nothing i could do to stop them. it came so suddenly. it came so unexpectedly. and in my mind, i saw you. i saw your pretty little face and your glistening eyes. i went back in time yet again, and pictured me and you, just staring deep into each others' eyes, thinking that it'd last forever, unaware of what it would become. it is all these little moments when i just wish i could do something about everything, wish i wasn't as useless as i am. but these are merely wishful thinkings, and there really isn't anything i can do about it. i feel helpless. i feel like everything around me is moving forward and taking things into their own hands, while i sit there unable to move, paralysed, and all i can do is wait for my time to leave this Earth. because i can't forget. i can't forget those eyes. so deep and beautiful, nothing you'd every imagine. nobody would understand this. nobody. unless you've been through all this, and gaze into those mesmerising pupils. as these thoughts run through my mind, i breakdown inside. i can't concentrate on the assement books lying in front of me. i can't take my eyes of you. and i'd probably never will...

Three Cheers for Five Years

I swear that you dont have to go
I thought we could wait for the fireworks
I thought we could wait for the snow, to wash over Georgia and kill the hurt
I thought I could live in your arms
and spend every moment I have with you
stay up all night with the stars
confess all the faith that I had in you
I had in you

Too late, im sure and lonely
Another night, another dream wasted on you
Just be here now against me
You know the words, so sing along for me baby
For heavens sake I know you're sorry
but you won't stop crying
This anniversary may never be the same
Inside I hope you know im dying, with my heart beside me
in shattered pieces that may never be replaced
and if I died right now, you'd never be the same

I thought with a month of apart, together would find us an opening
and moonlight would provide the spark
and that i would stumble across the key, or break down the door to your heart
Forever could see us not you and me
and you'd help me out of the dark
and i'd give my heart as an offering

Too late, im sure and lonely
Another night, another dream wasted on you
Just be here now against me
You know the words, so sing along for me baby
For heavens sake I know you're sorry
but you won't stop crying
This anniversary may never be the same
Inside I hope you know im dying, with my heart beside me
in shattered pieces that may never be replaced
and if I died right now, you'd never be the same

and I will always remember you as you are right now to me
and I will always remember you now
remember you now

So sleep alone tonight
with no one here just by your side
sleep alone tonight
how does he feel how does he kiss
how does he taste while hes on your lips
I cant forget you
I know you want me to want you
i want to
But i cant forget you
so when this is over dont blow your composure baby

I cant forget you
I know you want me to want you
I want to..




its been one month. but i just can't forget you. i want to. but i can't.
but for you i will.

don't stop. don't change. stay beautiful.

Unknown Peccadillo

they say "the earlier the breakup, the less pain". well, they said wrong. if they were right, i wouldn't be feeling this way now. i wouldn't be regretting. i wouldn't be thinking 'how could i have been so stupid??'. most of all, i wouldn't be missing you. i know i really shouldn't be. i promised you and myself, plus everybody else dosen't think you're worth it. i really don't want to. why am i so un-selfcontrolled? why can't i just stop thinking so much about you and how it had been, how i could have been? i mean as i painfully watch you limping, i really wish i could do something to help, i wish i could have supported you the way i never did. i really miss you. and i can't stop thinking about this...
i've been trying this whole week already. trying to get you off my mind. trying to get a distraction. i thought i found one in someone. but... i don't know. its so complicated. so messed up. like my crapshit life. i don't know what to do. don't know if what im doing is right. don't know if you'd ever love me the way i do. if only i could just see into your hearts and minds, then i'll really know what you think of me, what you expect from me, what im going to have to do. well, i can't. so, im just left here staring at a blank white wall, unable to grasp anything from it. no cracks, but yet again, no beautification. nothing. unsure of everything. why can't you just tell me?? it'll really make things so much easier. it'll make the path of this life much clearer. please, just help me. please. you're neither in nor out. i don't know if you'll ever going to be in my life. or maybe im just fated to have this. maybe its suppose to mould me into a better person. maybe i must clear this obstacle, cuz if i find an easy way out, its just going to come back worse than before. i don't know. why can't somebody show me something? show me a sign, show me the truth. everything, something, anything. i don't care. just please help me. but i don't think that'll ever happen. you won't even know that i mean you. you won't know that you're the one causing all this. you won't know what i really am feeling, about you and everything else. you won't know. but if you do, heres me saying. i love you.
thanks a lot. thanks a whole freaking lot...